Sorry...not sorry.

How many times have you authored an email that starts with the word sorry: for the delayed response, for not having the answer the person was seeking, for this, for that, for anything and everything…?

If you’re like me, the answer to the above is probably “A LOT”.

Over the past few months, I’ve started making a true effort to minimize the amount of apologizing I do, particularly in email form. I’ve heard from so many people, especially women, that also report saying “sorry” frequently. Too frequently, and often when it’s not required.

A strategy that has worked for me has been to shift the apologizing to something more positive. Instead of “sorry for the late response” try “thank you for your patience”. Instead of expressing sympathy with “I’m sorry you experienced this” try expressing empathy with “that must have been really difficult”. Instead of “I’m sorry to bother you”, try “I appreciate your help”.

Of course, there are times when I am actually, truly sorry or may have actually, truly made an error. In those cases, taking responsibility is still the appropriate course of action.

It’s important, though, to remember that we need only take responsibility for the things that are - in fact - our responsibility. Not less, not more.

It may take a couple of email drafts to drop the habit of “sorry” but once you do it can a powerful way of inspiring confidence and diminishing any feelings of inferiority.

Over time, it may also translate to your verbal interactions, too. For example, saying “sorry” when “excuse me” would suffice.

Once I began being intentional in this regard, and swapping out “sorry” for something more empowered, I realized just how frequently I defaulted to this language. The words we use shape our thoughts and impressions, which has helped me to recognize how important it is - for my own self-image but also for the professional image I convey toward others - to limit this passivity.

Try it out for yourself and let me know how it goes! Or if you’ve already mastered this, share your favorite “sorry” substitutes!