Demons.

I am frequently intrigued by questions whose answers show us two sides of the same coin.

A few days ago, I was listening to the Metta Hour podcast with Sharon Salzberg. Some of you may recognize her name as a leading teacher of mindfulness meditation; specifically lovingkindness (or metta) meditation. In this episode, Sharon was interviewing Adreanna Limbach author of the new book Tea and Cake with Demons.

As I was listening, a question rose to mind: who would you be without your demons? As I’ve sat with this for a few days, I see the proverbial two-sided coin. I am, as I mentioned, intrigued.

Heads.

Who am I without my demons? This elicits in my mind an aspirant vision - the thing toward which I work and strive. The ever-present endgame of therapy. The version of myself that I conjure at this prompt is the fodder of goal setting.

She is the liberated self. She is free and vast and unburdened by so much heavy weight. She is fearless and guiltless. She is loving and open and connected. She speaks truth and of love. She shares her talents with reckless abandon, writes her heart upon the page, and embodies the sage wisdom of Ram Das: we are all just walking each other home.

Without my demons whispering their messages of shame and doubt and fear and bias and smallness into my mind’s darkest corners, is this who I could be?

Tails.

Who am I without my demons? What would I lose of myself? I am the sum of my parts, of my experiences. Without that which I have endured, what lessons may linger yet unlearned? Without those lessons, what strength may I not yet have forged? In what ways may I be limited, closed, short-sighted, or stumbling in the dark? I have been stretched and challenged by the battles I have waged, but even our scars have value. I truly believe that only those who have fallen understand what it means to help someone else up. Rumi tells us: the wound is the place where the Light enters you.

Without my demons, would I lose the parts of me that are perhaps the best, brightest, strongest parts of me?

All or none of the above.

I want to answer yes and I want both sides of the coin to be true. For me, for you, for all of us. The knowledge that we are not bound to the limitations imposed by our so-called demons. The knowledge that we can be made better and stronger, more loving, forgiving, empathic, and open for having encountered them.

Perhaps a better question then is who could you be if you embraced your demons?