meaning making

I have a note on my desk right now that says “mean making - antidote for regret”. That could be a good place to start, I suppose, but first I want to tell you about Viktor Frankl. Because the term “meaning making”, as I have come to understand it, starts with him.

Some may know of Frankl as an author; his book Man’s Search for Meaning, is a well-known fictionalized memoir of Frankl’s time in concentration camps during the Holocaust. He’s also a foundational and instrumental member of the existentialism movement and existential therapy. This is how I know of him.

While interred in the Theresienstadt camp, Frankl continued his work as a psychiatrist and neurologist. His charges were his fellow prisoners, specifically focusing on suicidal patients. During this time he developed and facilitated programs such as “Body and Soul”, “Sleep and its Disturbances”, “Medical Care of the Soul”, “How I Keep My Nerves Healthy”, “Psychology of Mountaineering”, “Social Psychology”, and “Existential Problems in Psychotherapy” (Ginter, Roysircar, and Gerstein, 2019). He would also give lectures to imaginary audiences - “Psychotherapeutic Experiences in a Concentration Camp” (p. 135) - because he had determined that by facing his suffering and naming it, he could defeat it.

This isn’t terribly removed from Buddhist teachings.

He wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Frankl’s wife and parents all died in the camps. He was liberated in 1945 and went on to manifest his experiences in a psychological theory, logotherapy, that informed existential modalities that continue on to this day. His ultimate message - even suffering can be meaningful.

As we sit, collectively, in the throes of a global pandemic and amid the strife and tensions gripping our country (perhaps for many, also facing the ongoing pain and hurt of centuries of oppression), we are facing varying levels of suffering. Joblessness, social isolation, fear, loss, grief, rage, trauma.

Of course, I do not imply that these experiences are on the level of the Holocaust - let me be clear of that. But I also don’t engage in comparative suffering.

The most you suffer is the most you have ever suffered and it is as bad for you as it may be. There is no yardstick for this.

But the message of Frankl’s work - the meaning making - is the universal. The textbook I cite above talks of the Viennese schools of psychology. Freud’s drive for pleasure and Adler’s drive for power. And then Frankl’s drive for meaning.

What we learn through this approach is to name and talk about suffering and through that, to make meaning of it.

I’ve sat with this idea many times over the course of my adult life - even before I had encountered and studied Frankl’s work. When my daughter was born and my life seemingly devastated by a post-natal diagnosis of Down syndrome. Quickly, I began to recognize and count the gifts she brought to my life. The meaning she has texturized my existence with.

Or when I was first divorced and it seemed as if the bottom of everything had disintegrated. The most painful experiences I can recall have all had their meaning - usually in the form of lessons and/or gratitude.

Hence, meaning making - antidote for regret. I learned a long time ago to place more value in the lesson and feel more gratitude for the painful experience than regret that it happened.

How have I grown? What have I learned? How am I stronger, wiser, more compassionate, aware, better?

We are mired in challenging, stressful, distressing, scary, and heartbreaking moments right now. That fact cannot be avoided. Frankl tells us, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves”. That’s what I the hope and the message I wish to share right now.

It may not be easy - the best things in life are rarely ever easy and this is particularly true when it comes to the lessons that transform one’s world view. But I urge you, if you are struggling, ESPECIALLY if you are struggling, take one moment each day to sift through and find a meaning.

Can you find value in this moment? Can you share it as a beacon for others? Can you manifest something lasting and lovely out of so much bad?

Can you sit quietly in your own thoughts and hold on to that space between stimulus and response?

Frankl also wrote, “That which is to give light must endure burning.”